Matthew the Clueless Creeper
by Geekies
Summary: Matthew has been following almost every move his brother, Alfred, has made on Facebook. It seems he's...in love with him? It's almost obvious to see that Alfred is a bit creeped out, but Matthew is clueless. Human names used.
1. Do the Creep

_**Author's Note: Ugh, this fic is really old and probably horrible. I wrote it a long time ago because I thought a creepy obsessive Canada was the best. I still think that pretty much. Oh! And sorry if this is against the rules or anything! Enjoy...? By the way, Alfred was going to be fem!Alfred, so sorry if 'she' stuff appears that I missed.**_

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Facebook; the best way to stalk your buddies, children, relatives, and so on. A community site, that was actually really pointless, yet so addicting; that is what Facebook is, and that is where Alfred Jones spends most of his internet time. Alfred has fifty one friends and most of them don't really give a damn about him, but for the sake of being nice, they accepted his friend request that read, "OMG! I DiDn't kNOW yOU were on here! aDD ME! Y/Y?"

Matthew Williams was somewhere on Alfred's friend list, and he had thirty-nine friends himself. Often he would scroll through Alfred's profile to see what was up with him and so on, or that's what he would say if Alfred ever did that "Who visits your page the most" note tag thing and asked why Matthew was number one on the list.

It was two in the morning when Matthew noticed that Alfred posted a status message…

Alfred F. Jones 2:02AM

-I'm sooooo tired, but i dont want 2 go 2 sleep.

Matthew stared at the post for a while. He wanted to comment on it, but he didn't know what to say. Eventually, he typed a reply and left it be.

Matthew Williams 2:10AM

-You should try to sleep Al. *heart* If you don't, those beautiful eyes will grow bags under them. *heart*

He instantly gagged at how the hearts turned into actual hearts. Alfred never replied to his comment, and Matthew just assumed that Alfred had taken his advice and gone to sleep.

The next day, Alfred posted a picture of a shoe on his head, and tagged as many people as he could. Though he wasn't tagged, Matthew saw the picture and squealed with joy. He began typing, and then he stopped, wondering what exactly he would say. Finally, he wrote something.

Matthew Williams 12:00PM

-Wow, you're so cute in this Al! Not that you're not cute any other time, but that shoe just really makes you look adorable!

Matthew smiled and eagerly waited for a reply. Soon his notifications alerted him that he had three new happenings. He quickly clicked, but was disappointed to see that it was an application alert, and the other two were replies to the picture, but not from Alfred. He clicked the replies any way to see that Francis and Gupta were the posters.

Francis Bonnefoy 12:17PM

-I can find other uses for that shoe mon amie…AND IT'S CALLED WEARING IT ON YOUR FOOT! Shoes are unfashionable hats! Inexcusable!

Gupta Hassan 12:18PM

-This picture is crap. Go die.

Oh Gupta, his online side no longer surprised anyone, even if he was silent in the real world… but my gosh! Matthew wondered if he was the only one who liked the picture any. Upon clicking the online tab, the Canadian noticed that Alfred was available to chat to. He clicked on Alfred's name, inhaled deeply, then began to type:

Matt: Hi! : )

A pause, then the screen showed that Alfred was talking, which made Mattheew's heart beat fast with anticipation.

Al: Oh hey!

Matthew spazzed the hell out and expressed his spazzing with continuous button-mashing…and sending it.

A: Oh noes! Mattie's having a seizure! LoL Call he ambolanse!

M: JDJGKLSDFGFASDFSDF

A: the*

M: GJHKLDGHKSDATDJDR

A: …Matt.

M: S-Sorry! It's just that my GOSH! You're so cute and I'm so lucky to have a cute brother like you!

There was no reply for a while, so Matthew decided to say something else.

M: Oh noes! Al's having a seizure too! Lol, I shall call the ambulance!

A: G2G! UH. SOMething weird just haooened! Bi!

-Alfred is now offline.

Matthew scratched his head and wondered what happened that was weird. A little later that night, Alfred posted a status saying, "EW! CREEPER ALERT! SOMEONE HELP ME!" Instantly Matthew replied.

Matthew Williams 5:24PM

-Who? Al, if there's a creeper, tell them to get lost!

Almost a second after his post, Alfred replied right back.

Alfred F. Jones 5:24PM

-GET LOST!

Matthew Williams 5:25PM

-No not me, the creeper!

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_**A/N: ...Okay. Admittedly, I chuckle at some of this when I read it again.**_


	2. Outside the Window is Your Star

Music blasted from Matthew's speakers as he fiddled around with his computer. The band was like an acquired taste, and those who would first listen to their music would probably throw up and die, unless you were Matthew Williams. In fact, out of the six people who listened to the band, Matthew was their only actual fan, their biggest fan. He logged into Facebook and decided to write a status on them…again.

Matthew Williams 1:54 PM

-Oh my goodness! Le Livre of Barber Shop Massacre Shoe Shine (we fans call it LLBSMSS) is the best band ever! "Friendly, chaotic, wind up toy, can't you find your little boy~?"

He didn't stop there.

Matthew Williams 1:57 PM

-"Kiss me, baby, it's alright! Wind up toy goes tonight tonight tonight—DAY!" My gosh! Genius lyrics! *heart*

He didn't expect anyone to comment on those posts, but someone did!

Alfred F. Jones 2:01 PM

-Ga-a-a-ay! –throws up all over your pretty new shoes because they're gay and uglee and have this band's lyrics written all over them and shit-

A smile formed on Matthew's face for multiple reasons. First, Alfred hadn't talked to him in forever, not since that creeper thing that he still didn't get. Second, because he knew Alfred had listened to LLBSMSS and hated it, but he actually didn't throw up and die like…that guy. Third, he was smiling because Alfred remembered his shoes from when he took a picture of them and posted them. Lastly, because he decided that he would rape the benefits of Alfred's post.

Matthew Williams 2:06 PM

-People take offense to that Al! Unless you meant that they're happy. And I'll never wash these shoes ever again! –hugs the puke covered shoes- Also, they're best in concert you know? I'll take you to one if you'd like? I'd pay for your ticket! :)

Alfred F. Jones 2:09 pm

-Pfffffffffft! They make you pay for that shit? Ew! Even if you were paying for me, you'd have to pay me just to go to it!

Matthew Williams 2:13 PM

-That's fine! I'll do both! You'll come with me? There's one today at five!

The Canadian was gripping his seat, waiting for Alfred's reply, ignoring his ringing cell phone, which his ringtone was Alfred singing some song about being a single lady that he had posted on Facebook. Finally, Matthew answered the phone.

"You are pushy Matthew, poor Alfred must be appalled," it was Francis, who was apparently watching their conversation.

"Am not—hold on, my house phone is ringing," Matthew answered his house phone, Francis still on his cell phone. "Hello? Matthew speaki-"

"What in bloody hell are thinking? I just called Alfred and he says you're being-"

"Matthew! Tell Arthur that I said hello. I can hear his nagging from over here," Francis pointed out.

"And I can see your stupidity showing, though I can't see it yet."

"My stupidity? That what you just said was trѐs stupide."

"French makes you sound stupid; also, I can see you." Odd chuckling blasted through both phones.

"I have the phones as far away as possible, and yet you two hear each other?" Matthew asked. Francis snickered and Arthur urged him to tell Matthew what was up, "Oh Matthew…w-were both at Arthur's house."

The two began laughing insanely until Matthew stopped them, "So…you're prank calling me again…while you're at Arthur's house…?"

More laughter poured in from both phones, "My goodness we must do this more often! Let's actually call Alfred next!" Francis agreed to Arthur's suggestion and his line disconnected. Before Matthew could tell them that they weren't being funny, Arthur's line disconnected too, sharp laughter being cut short. He dropped his phones in anger and stormed off into his kitchen, not even checking to see if Alfred replied to him. The kitchen window seemed inviting to him, so he cuddled up with the faded pillows and gazed into the sky. Though Francis and Arthur's prank call was…well…a prank call, he still thought that maybe they were right.

He felt that he was being pushy now that he thought about it, and truly he could imagine Alfred screaming bloody murder at his desk, wearing a disgusted look on his face. It was a rare face, but he had seen it before. With a shaky whimper, he buried his head into one of his window pillows, which he could have sworn that it was a lush pink before, and not that ugly, faded, almost pink but mostly white color. Since he was too busy suffocating himself, he didn't even bother answering his phone which was ringing again.

There was a knock on the door a bit later, but he still didn't answer it, even if an annoying doorbell ring followed after it. Why wasn't he dead yet? Was he not trying hard enough? Well, there was a little slit that allowed air so maybe that was it. Matthew closed in that little space of air and waited to die again, but a knock on the window he was sitting by had him jumping up and bumping his head on the frame. He looked to see who it was with rage filling his eyes, but he quickly changed his countenance to one of shock. It was…Alfred. "Crap, I must have really died! There's no way Alfred would be at my window," he thought. Alfred sighed and yelled with the loudest voice he could, "GO OPEN THE DOOR!" Matthew hurried over to the door and unlocked it, sticking his head out only, knowing very well that all of that may have been a trap.

Alfred came around the corner, smiling at his neighbor, "Geez Matt, you're not even ready." Matthew was puzzled, so all he did was stare at what he thought was his imagination. Sensing his confusion, Alfred laughed to himself, "You're letting me in right? It's been forever since I've been to your house," he pushed himself inside through Matthew, instantly poking everything. With his face in awe, Matthew closed the door, staring at his guest intensely. Alfred noticed this, "Don't look at me like that, it's creepy!"

He snapped out of it and managed to ask, "Al, it's not that I don't like your company but um…why are…you-"

"We're going to that concert! Duh!"

Matthew inhaled sharply and dragged Alfred into his room, quickly sitting him on his bed as he fished through his closet and drawers for…something. "Matt, what are you doing?" Matthew shook his head and tossed his shirt off, still searching for whatever it was that he was searching for. "Matt!"

He pulled out five t-shirts with "LLBSMSS" printed on them, "Yes?" Relief filled Alfred, "Oh I see! Sorry, I thought you were doing something—and my god Matt! You had to drag me in here while you're getting dressed? Creep."

The Canadian snorted and placed one of the shirts to Alfred's chest, trying to see if the shirt would look cute on him or not, "We're brothers, it doesn't matter, or did you forget? Plus, you're getting dressed too," he draped the shirt over his brother's head, "put this on, it should fit."

"You act more like a stalker. Why do I have to wear this? I don't even like this band!"

"…Stalker?"

"Er…yeah, with all that Facebook stuff and the creepy lingo," Alfred took off his shirt, Matthew stared at him, and his abs.

"That just means we're secretly really close siblings although you hardly visit though we live next door to each other…that's my only way of really keeping in contact with you, you know…everyone else you deal with regularly and all, so I thought it would be…okay," Matthew averted his gaze from Alfred. He knew that he was pretty much a stalker, but he didn't know his brother could be so direct about saying so.

Alfred scratched his head, "Oh gosh, you're right. Sorry about that," he paused, then clapped his hands together, "right! So let's hang out more then! Even if it's just going up to Sir Hortons, or down to Mr. Bucks!"

Matthew nodded his head calmly, "I'd like that a lot." However, he was thinking more along the lines of, "Oh my goodness let's do that then! I mean, one thing will lead to another and then we'll even start kissing and go on to bigger things like making out passionately at hockey games—on the ice! And slowly but surely we'll start to-"

"Alright, how's this?" Alfred stood in the fan shirt, not saying that he actually liked how it felt on him.

"I-It looks great, Al, but you need a couple of more things. Hold on." Matthew came back to reality and pulled something out of his drawer.

"Oh gosh, what is that?" Alfred eyed the suspicious bandanas with eye holes in them, decorated with the barber shop design, shoes, and books. He also pulled out some pins with the same designs, but Alfred wasn't worried about those, "That shit's not going on my face."

Matthew frowned, "If they see that you're a new face at their concert, they'll announce you to the crowd so you have to wear this in order to-"

Alfred's face lit up, "Oh! Then definitely no mask!" Matthew rose a brow, "Alright, don't say I didn't warn you."

_**Author's Note: No, Matthew wasn't trying to kill himself. That was an exaggeration of him simply stuffing his face into his pillow.** **Oh right... this was supposed to have more to it but...nah.**_


End file.
